Broke up & Giving space to each other or just over

Me and the father of my kid broke up. I’m 22 he’s 24. We were together since I was 18 and he was 20. And it’s been a year since we broke up so far.

So a lot has happened in our last year of our relationship. Lies, exchanged hurtful words, hurt and betrayal.

So we sat down yesterday and he says he loves me, Misses me, Wants to be with me ...I’m his future wife , the mother of his kid so forth, He thinks about me all the time and stuff.

But he says we’re both young he wants to live life , he wants to hang out with his home boys, have fun. If I find someone I just do and if he finds someone he just does or if things between us change then it does. He says I’m the most beautiful girl he has been with and he will always love me. But he feels like right now he can’t give me what I want... and he doesn’t snag to come home everyday knowing that. well I wanna be with him but right now I’m just not happy with myself...I feel like I’m not where I wanna be in life.

He basically said he wants to live life just as me as the mother of his kid and I live life just him being the father of his kid.

But he doesn’t want to stop seeing each other. Until one of us cut it’s off I guess... not as sex but us just seeing each other. He says he misses me a lot. He came early in the morning surprised me and brought me chocolate.

After this talk we don’t really talk much. I send pic of his son and he will send pics to. I guess were strictly keeping it on our son now.

Now u guys know all that...of course this hurts me and I’m sure him too. But I do miss us and I do miss him a lot. He told me regardless of what happens I will always have the upper hand and he will always love me. If I ever need help or whatever to call him, That I shouldn’t feel like I can’t.

I just need advice? Tips? Or something? I do live by myself with my son. So I am very homebody. He does get him every weekend or when I pick up extra long shifts. So we’re learning how to coparent. I took him off child support. Because he’s helping stepping up and wants to. Every time he picks up or drops him off he will say I love you and kiss me on the cheeks. This is my first relationship I’ve been in and we both had our first kid together.

Things I’ve been doing is going out by myself doing things and trying things I never did. Im starting a personal blog to help a lot with my insecurities show people a side They never knew I had. I cut all my hair off and starting to regrow it healthier. I’m cooking new things trying new foods. I’ve reconnected with new friends and even some old ones. Im trying to learn who I am and what I love. I’m trying to love myself but I get discouraged soo much and fall into this depression mode. I have been planning to travel more and just get my mind off things. This has been really emotional for me.

Now the mother side of me I feel bad. My mom had my son since Monday and then his dad picked him Friday and they will be dropping him off to me Tuesday morning. I felt

Like I abandoned him. But I’ve been working and trying to pull myself out this over whelming feeling. I’ll go out and go to clubs by myself. I want my emotional state to be healthy for my son. Because like I just me and my son so I will do everything. His dad tried to keep him

Months and even weeks at the time but is it wrong of me saying no and just every weekend like we suggested. ?

He also asked for a key and I said NO because we’re not together.

But if it’s meant to be it’ll come back right? I’m clueless and confused. I’m sorry but I have no experience whatsoever and don’t have no one else to talk to