Hello ladies!

My husband and I have a beautiful 9 month old baby boy and are in the process of trying but not trying for number two. However I keep going back and forth between being ok and then being totally not ok and freaked out. I had a really hard time transitioning into mother hood. I had immediate baby blues the first night in the hospital and then that transferred over into postpartum depression.. it didn’t effect my role as a mother. It just affected how lost I was with who I was and how worthless I felt felt to both my child and husband even if I gave it 200%. My fears of having baby number two is that my postpartum will get worse. I fear that I will lose who I am forever. I fear that my son and I won’t have that close bond like we do now. I fear that I fear I will with just spiral myself into the ground. I fear of having a girl, I honestly don’t know why, but I’ve never wanted a girl . Our families say that he needs a sibling and that it wouldn’t be fair to him if we didn’t give him one. I get that but it’s also easier said when they don’t have to carry the baby , care for the baby and get to say goodbye at the end of each visit. I feel like moms are expected to just be ok with everything and just got along . I’m just a wreck and ALWAYS over think anything and everything . And if you wondering why I don’t just wait it’s because if we have baby number two I want them close in age and I want it done sooner rather than later. So I guess I’m just venting and wanting to know

What made you want #2?

Did you feel pressure to have another baby?

Did you have PPD with your first? And if so did it get worse or get better with #2?

If you felt at all like I did, were you wondering why your were even thinking like that after you had baby #2?

What made you decide on only having a only child ?

Were you judge by family by only having one child or even if you had baby number 2?