Tomorrow I would’ve been 20 weeks pregnant. I can’t help but think about how different my life was supposed to be right now. How big would my belly have been? Would I be having a boy or girl? Would it hurt or be uncomfortable? Would I love feeling so bloated and big bc I knew it meant my baby was healthy? Would I be happy?

So many questions to which I will never know the answer. So much pain and sadness. I feel so alone and lost. My 7th pregnancy and I failed again. It has become so hard to feel at fault, like something is obviously wrong with me. I felt fine emotionally after the miscarriage or I thought I did; but the more time passes, the more depressed I get and the harder it is to accept that I am no longer expecting my life to change to beautifully. I just don’t even know how to cope right now.