Just cursed out GOD

Just venting, so no rude comments even though I need to hear the good and bad.

Well my bf just got mad and through a remote at me, and then came up To me and punched me. Yes I’ve been hit before. But I still stay with him, I feel I’m not worthy no more I hade the fact that I’m being hit from my family because I don’t want them to hate him. He said I had attitude when I woke up from a nap (which I didn’t) I just got up and walked outside ( where he was sitting smoking a cigarette) I went outside didn’t say anything and just crossed my arms. He said what’s wrong I said nothing and he kept asking me so I got aggravated and said I’m not upset or mad. And went inside. Well he’s saying for me to quit my attitude and I said I don’t have any. So he doesn’t threw a game at me. Well after he threw the remote next and punched my leg. On my other leg I cursed GOS SAYING fuck you. Your a peach of shit. I’m so mad at GOD (for my pain) like why can’t I just catch a break. Find a man that won’t put his hands on me. Why can’t GOD just kill me already. My previous relationship I was in years ago he would abuse me mentally and physically. And cheat on me the ex after him same thing. This one never cheated on me but has hit me. He says man handling me. He never hit me in the beginning. I’m just sad and hurt that I cursed GOD. And that I’m going through this crap. Why can’t I find a man that wants me for me and a family I’m getting old ( 30 in August) thanks for this rant I just have no one to talk to. (Still crying in my car now)

Update: I love GOD, I just had a moment because I was lost we all go through it at our lowest. Spoke with my bf and told him he has to stop or he has to leave. And if he loves me he won’t put his hands on me. We are going to counseling because after he lost his job I know he’s been stressed not being able to support us. But still doesn’t give him a reason to hit me. I did pray to God to forgive me for cursing him. I honestly felt bad about that that’s why I kept crying. We did sleep in separate rooms. And he apologized. Which I sais im upset with him. Thanks for the feedback the good and bad