This is gonna be a read (I’m sorry):

Currently I’m almost 26 weeks pregnant, My husband and I haven’t had sex since I was about 8 weeks.

I didn’t want to have sex much in the beginning bc I was so nauseas and tired all the time. My sex drive almost completely went away until a few weeks ago when I obviously started feeling better and started getting a little more used to the hormones.

Now I crave sex. That’s all I ever want to do sometimes. Does my husband? Nope. He doesn’t want it anymore. He says after doing it so many times leading up to the pregnancy that he just doesn’t feel like it anymore. I told him that it’s depressing me enough to look so big and have people stare at me all the time, that him just not wanting to have sex with me at all was making it worse.

He claims that there’s sometimes he wants to but just doesn’t feel like it’s worth it so he doesn’t saying anything. I thought that maybe I should try harder and do some foreplay. I’ve been on his lap, biting his ear, and rubbing him and he still doesn’t move. He enjoys it, but does nothing else. He doesn’t even touch me back. It pisses me off so I stop and he just goes back to playing video games or something completely unbothered.

The other day we were about to shower together and while the water was warming up, I started teasing him by bending over the sink and started sliding his dick up and down me and put the tip in. He still enjoyed it, but still did nothing himself. So I stopped and told him “you were literally almost inside me and you didn’t take it”. His explanation? “it was awkward”????

I’m your wife?? How is it awkward to put it in???

He compared it to his first time having sex in high school which he did the same thing-kinda had no clue what was going on but let the girl do whatever she was trying to do and then just let her do all the work.

Started giving him a handjob, when he wouldn’t touch me back, I stopped. I asked him why he wasn’t going to do anything, he said, “I didn’t know you were trying anything I thought you were just teasing.”

We had a semi decent talk about it later that night and we repeated how I’m feeling more and more unattractive and he just says he’s sorry but he just doesn’t want it. He also said, “I just think, I’m with this amazing person and we can be happy and be together without having sex.” That’s sweet, I understand that. I’ve also been told that a thousand times by so many guys before him. They all threw a fit bc I have a high sex drive and they didn’t want the relationship to involve sex so much. I’ve never understood how having sex a few times a week could ruin a relationship. Those guys were very abusive in their own ways so I never thought when I got married I would get the same speech. No you don’t need sex to have a happy relationship, but WE ARE MARRIED. I was under the impression that sex was apart of marriage or any romantic relationship. At this point it just feels like we’re best friends who kiss sometimes. Not even make out just peck.

The petty part of me wants to assume he’s attracted to someone else, but when I bring it up he gets really hurt that I would think something like that so I just guess that’s not true. Another part feels like it’s bc I’m pregnant and he’s just not attracted to me right now but he keeps saying he is. The human part of me just wants sex and just wants to be with someone who’s willing to give it to me (I will NEVER cheat. I do fantasize at this point with steamy books and such, which is enough to distract me from wanting sex any more than I already do), but if my husband doesn’t even want me, then no one will. Men barely stare at me, but when they do, they see my belly and immediately go away. It makes me feel so ashamed that I wear heavy shirts or sweaters to cover my stomach bc I feel so fucking ugly now.

My husband still cuddles, he still calls me beautiful and grabs my butt and kisses me and gives me attention...he just doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.

What do I do..? Anyone else dealt with this? He’s not being a dick at all he just genuinely doesn’t want to have sex. He goes on deployment about four months after the baby is born but will be out on the ship for most of the time between that prepping for the deployment, so I told him that between now and when I go into labor (or unless the doc says earlier) that this is pretty much our only chance to keep having sex until he’s gone for almost a year. He says he knows. Still doesn’t make him want to have sex. I’m in the military too and we all know boat goggles are a thing. I just don’t want him to not have sex for almost a year before he deploys then makes some stupid decision while gone bc he hasn’t had any in so long or whatever the excuse is.

I do trust that he’s not doing anything, but I’m also very realistic when it comes to sexual needs. I don’t want to not have this in our life and later it be the reason why we don’t work out.

He’s asleep right now and I wish I had any more confidence left to just wake him up with sex (we gave each other permission to do that), but after the past few days of putting so much effort in and constantly getting rejected and feeling so gross, I just can’t touch him without feeling weird now (not to mention he keeps saying he doesn’t want it so I feel like it would be wrong at this point to try to jump him) . I’m starting to resent him for this and it makes me cold towards him.

Sorry for it being so long. Can’t really half-explain a story. But thank you for reading and I hope someone can help.

**also I’ve asked if he’s getting off on his own and he says no, he just doesn’t feel like any of that anymore. We also used to have sex allll the time before the pregnancy.