What was it?

So...I posted something about this earlier this week but I guess I’ll say the story again now.

I’m nearly 15.

I was calling my good friend and we were both pulling an all nighter. I usually take my medication before I sleep but because it was 5 am I kinda forgot.

Anyways...when I’m off my medication I don’t think things through. My mind does what ever it once with out a say in me. So when the guy asked if he could touch me in certain ways...I said sure.

The next day I immediately regretted it and tried telling him but he kept insisting he won’t hurt me, he will go slow, and so again, still not on medication, I felt safe.

I did not feel safe on Tuesday evening.

I basically blacked out when he touched my side...when he pulled my pants down...when he touched me...but I couldn’t find my words to say no. He tried to put his dick inside me but it wouldn’t fit. So when the buses came he had to stop.

My parents know, I told them, my mom wanted to check if anything was broken down there...there was scratches around my vagina, bruises and a bruise on my arm. I was obviously struggling to close them.

I feel so dumb and stupid. This is all my fault. It’s my fault for not taking my medication, for trusting the wrong people, for not saying no, for all of this. Now I can barely look at his hand without thinking what he did to me. I just need help understanding what this was...at first it was consensual but then it...

Please answer.