Depression in a marriage and with kids...😭

So, I needed a “safe” place to vent. Support would be nice.

I’ve always had depression. Well, I’ve had it since I was about 15. It’s been a struggle ever since. After the birth of my son, I had PPD. It wasn’t to the point that I didn’t want to take care of my kids, but it was to the point I didn’t want to take care of myself. I felt completely and utterly alone. Which, I guess I kinda was. My husband worked and when he was home, he wouldn’t help with our son, but would do anything our daughter (technically my step-daughter) wanted him to do or needed him to do. It was awful. I was crying all the time. We were constantly fighting because of it which made it worse.

Fast forward a year later. I just gave birth to our daughter on the 6th. Not even a full year after having our son. The first few days after having her was wonderful. My husband was so helpful and so loving towards me. Truly was just bragging about how amazing he has been to my friend a few days ago. I was actually doing okay. I felt emotionally / mentally okay. Then, the day before yesterday, my Husband decides that he’s just going to basically stop paying attention to me and giving me affection. His face is ALWAYS in his phone when we are around each other. I ask him to lay down with me to watch tv after all three kids are finally put down for the night. He comes in the room and sits at the foot of the bed...on his phone. While, I’m sitting at the head of the bed watching the movie / show that HE told me to put on. When he finally decides he’s going to lay down with me, he’s asleep 5 minutes later, if even that. I literally feel so alone it’s not even funny. I just want to be loved and showed affection and for him to spend actual quality time with me. Why is that so hard? I mention him being on his phone all the time, and he just acts like it’s not a problem. I don’t know what to do anymore. I honestly thought about grabbing my kids and going to stay with my best friend for a few days. 😭

Ps- I posted anonymously because I don’t want the judgement and people knowing who I am.