I feel so lost. I feel like I have seriously strayed away from who I wanted to be. I want to reinvent myself. I need to.

I want to be confident enough to do it though. The things I like to wear for example, I feel that with my body type I can’t wear them. I feel like I have too much of a baby face to go for the edgy style I like. I don’t feel pretty, I don’t feel like I can pull off the style I want.

I want to be assertive and confident. But I have been a mouse for so long that just saying no to someone is hard. I want to be charismatic and likeable, but people tel me I’m blunt and stand-offish. I lack social skills and suffer from extreme anxiety. I act tough but have a fear of confrontation. I crumble at the first sign of it.

I feel like a shell, a ghost. Like my body is walking round on autopilot. That I’m just tagging along during day to day tasks.

I feel undeserving of my partner, that he is leagues above me. That people look at us together and wonder ‘What the hell is he doing with her?’. I want to look better for him, I know I have let my body go. I want to make more of an effort, but as it stands I only feel comfortable in the same clothes day in day out.

I want to be a better mother. I want to keep my cool better, have more patience. I want to be kinder and less snappy. I want to be a good role model. I don’t want my children picking up my bad habits and traits.

I want to reinvent every aspect of myself. That’s what I need to do.