I need advice

Back in April 2017, I had moved in with some older women that I went to church with. Not long after I moved in, the grandson of the older woman temporarily moved in because his girlfriend kicked him out (she was completely nuts and hated me for no reason). Not long after he moved in, I came home from work one night. I’d had a long horrible day. I was dealing with a really tough breakup and I had also had a miscarriage a couple months prior that I was dealing with. I just had a lot going on in my life. Anyways, I got home really late, and he was there, still awake. He came and got in the car with me and offered me a beer. I told him no (I was 19 and didn’t drink). He kept pressuring me so I told him fine and started drinking one so he’d leave me alone. Since I didn’t ever drink, I got drunk really quickly. Most of the night was a blur. Eventually I got really tired and I knew I had to be at work at my other job really early the next morning, so I decided to go to sleep. Both of us were sleeping in the living room on the couches. I was trying to sleep and he kept telling me that I was sexy and that I turned him on and that he wanted to do all kinds of things to me. I told him that I wasn’t interested. I just want to go to sleep. But he just wouldn’t let it go. Until he finally forced me into having sex with him. I told him to stop. I didn’t want the women I lived with to find out that I had been drinking because I had nowhere else to live, so I didn’t call out for help. Looking back now, I wish I would have. Finally the guy let me go and I went and laid down and quietly cried myself to sleep. The next day, I had come home between my jobs to change clothes. The guy had been working on the ATV and asked if I wanted to go out riding with him. I didn’t really want to but one of the ladies I lived with was like “Go on. Just go with him.” So I did to keep them from getting suspicious. When we got out into the woods, I was very uncomfortable. The guy pulled out a gun and I freaked out but it was just a bb pistol and he was just showing off. I had stayed in the ATV. Then he told me to get out. I didn’t want to but I was scared what he would do so I did. He then proceeded to push me down onto my knees in front of him and he unzipped his pants and forced me into giving him oral sex. He literally kept his hand on top of my head and was using so much pressure that it actually hurt. I just sat there because I couldn’t do anything. I eventually started gagging and almost threw up so he let me go and we drove back to the house in silence. We got back and I left immediately. I got to work and was in a daze. My manager asked what was wrong and I told her what happened. I told her I didn’t want to report it. I was scared that nobody would believe me and that everyone would say it was my fault. But it kept bothering me so I told a few of my closest friends and the pastor of the church that I went to. He then confronted the women that I lived with even though I told him not to. And one of the friends I told did as well. I was in turn kicked out because they didn’t believe me and they thought I was ruining their family. A few months later I got married to the guy that I had been dating (he knew about what had happened) and I moved in with him 4 hours away from where I had been living. Now, I’ve been married for almost 2 years, and I still struggle with the memories of it. I’m unable to do certain things for my husband that he likes. And even sex has lost its appeal to me. My husband gets angry when I won’t let him touch me. He says it’s stupid and that I should know that he’d never hurt me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like making him mad but at the same time I don’t like pretending to enjoy something that I don’t.