Can’t stop crying....

Today is a hard day. Today I don’t feel like myself. Today I want to give up, and today... I feel like I’m useless, worthless, and hopeless.

Today, I feel like I’m never going to be a mother.

Woke up, tested and it was negative. I was fine.

Then a little after that, came crashing down on me.

Driving to work, I started crying. At work, started crying. Saying “I got this. I’m okay. I’m okay. Don’t break.” Went for a lunch, started crying...

Sitting here now typing this, crying.

Starting to get so sick and tired of myself.

Before this, I was happy with myself. I was happy with my body.. I felt healthy. Now... I don’t.

I’ve never been more upset with myself, who I am and my body. I always think I’m unhealthy and that’s why it’s not happening. “Maybe I shouldn’t have had that cigarette”

Turn around... the junkie down the streets pregnant. Next, the girl who drinks every damn night... she’s pregnant. Or better yet, the chick with all THREE kids already with child services, yeah she’s pregnant again. Hahahahaha. Whatever.

LOL. Doesn’t make sense. So f***ing stupid.

And ultimately, so unfair. How do I have faith in our universe if it just throws shit in my face everywhere I go?

Today..... is one of those hard days.