My husband and I have been married for over 5 yrs (has known him for almost 7 yrs), and I know he was sexually abused by his half sister when he was 8-12yrs old. We have a big disconnect when it comes to sex. First I thought he might be just nervous but later it became evident to me, that there is a "bigger problem". Initially I thought he wasn't attracted to me or worse that he is cheating on me (as he didn't have any sexual interest in me). He later told me (after we were married) that he was abused. We tried going to therapy and I thought it would help, but it didn't really. We had long conversations about it and he told me he will try initiating and he will do his best to make love to me, but unfortunately if I don't initiate, it would NEVER happen. He loves to cuddle, and we spoon, but that's it. Never more. I feel, I always push myself onto him and feel very uneasy what to do about it. I am 28 and consider myself an attractive person moreover, I have a healthy sexual appetite. It takes him very long to become "excited" whenever I try making love to him and I can't talk or say anything during sex (otherwise he looses focus). I also have to be very fast to catch him when he becomes "excited" as it becomes soft again instantly. We have gone 4 months without having sex before (and these things are not rare). Now, we are at 3-4 times a month and only if I start nagging him and push myself onto him. I had begged him to go and check himself out but he just says he is tired and doesn't feel up to it. He says he is completely healthy and his testosterone is ok.

I know he loves me, adores me and he tells me, I am the love of his life but it has been pretty hard on me for years now. Please let me know, if you have ever encountered behavior like this from your hubs or bfs that were sexually abused.!