Honestly that’s how I feel right now. Or wish I just killed myself when I had the chance to.

My parents and I moved countries 5 years ago, they wanted a better future for me and wanted to offer me a better education. Since then my parents’ relationship went downhill. They fight all the time, my mom misses her parents a lot, she always cries or is upset over it, she hates it here, all she says is that she’ll go back home as soon as she can. They started resending each other, they don’t try to understand each other’s point of view. My dad has a VERY short temper so he shouts and goes nuts over anything and my mum is sick of it. They fight all the time over his anger issues, my dad thinks my mum just thinks he’s crazy and she does everything against him, like taking other people’s sides at work and not his when he gets into a fight with someone etc. Honestly I know how she feels, I’m sick of him yelling 24/7 too, sometimes I feel like hitting him in the head with a pan or something. But if I listen to her I agree with her, if I listen to him I agree with him.

On Saturday they had a huge fight over the same issues again and they continued it today after not speaking to each other for the entire weekend. I woke up to my dad shouting, I heard my mom saying something about me but I don’t know what. I just heard dad saying “why don’t you talk to her if it hurts you? she’s your daughter” so I’m like what the frig did I do to hurt her... He kept telling her to go back home to her parents because they obviously matter a lot more to her than we do and that’s all she thinks about. They’ve said that before, but now it’s serious. She talked to me later on today and said she doesn’t know what to do. She said if it wasn’t for me, like if I was finished with school and had a stable job (I start my second year at uni this September and I have a part time job that just earns me enough to buy myself what I need) she’d leave like yesterday. She said she’ll see, but she’s really stuck and doesn’t know what to do. I feel like a burden. I wish she would’ve just aborted me. If it wasn’t me all of this wouldn’t have happened. The fights atarted after we moved countries and she literally hates it. I tell myself everyday that I can’t wait for the day I have my own place and that if I ever end up with someone I will not handle the issues in the relationship like they do. I can’t stand it anymore, I’d move out in a heartbeat if I could afford it. I just feel so lost and useless, like a burden and like a massive fucking disappointment. I’m so done...