Feeling sad

So I’m just feeling sad today

My boyfriend and I went away and he dropped some bombshells. I ignored it until the trip was over. I’ve known about his health problems but I he just said that his life expectancy is much lower. When I tried to talk about it he said not to worry. I wrote out a letter so that all my thoughts were right there.

I just wrote about how his life affects other people and that he needs to care about his health. Like he doesn’t want to do anything to improve it. That’s what scares me

He asked me over today and I was just so happy and didn’t want to ruin it. But now I’m feeling sad. I just want to be happy after a good day but I cant

We had a few rounds, watched tv, then we kinda played around with the dog, and then I helped him look for jobs. But I want to be happy

I kinda want to send pics of the letter but then I also feel like I should wait. I’ll probably see him later in the week and then next Monday is our 3 month anniversary. In 9 days I leave to go camping for a week and I won’t have great service. I just feel like it’s not the right time with anniversary and me going away.

I just don’t want to upset him. Like he was so happy today. And I don’t want tension before I leave for camping.