Husband wants to take lower paying job? What would you do?


I’m really trying to be supportive but I’m struggling here and I need help/advice.

My husband has a great job but it is very stressful on him and he doesn’t love the company he works for. He actually really loves his boss and he gets a lot of perks (company vehicle, phone, gas, can work flexibly and take off pretty much whenever although he still is pretty much glued to his phone and email if he takes a day off). So he does like his job but the company itself he hates. So we decided that we might move closer to family and I found a job that is similar to his but actually like a step up from where he’s at now. It would be a big pay increase from 75k to about 95k. He actually really likes this new company and it would be a great fit he says But now he’s saying that he really wants to go back to landscape design and is applying for jobs doing that which makes like 50k a year plus doesn’t have the benefit of a company vehicle so we would have to buy a second car plus insurance so that’s like an added $400+ a month expense which we definitely could not afford with a 50k a year salary.

He has had this dream of being a landscape architect and went to school but couldn’t finish his degree because it was too expensive and we had a baby and just couldn’t afford it. So he wants to be a designer and get experience but even if he one day gets his degree he’s basically capped around 75k which is what he’s making now with no degree.

I want to be supportive but I’m freaking out. We are trying to pay off school loans and now he wants to take a 25k pay cut when he could get a 25k pay increase and also have a company vehicle. Am I being selfish? I’ve told him I’ll work but he doesn’t want me to, he wants me to stay home with our kids and I do too if it’s an option and we can afford it. I don’t want to squash his dreams but it’s so stressful and makes no sense financially when he has such a good career and so many perks.

➡️ Edit: I definitely want him to be happy and do what he loves. I have a part-time weekend gig I’ll just have to get more serious about putting in more hours. That’s also been hard because every time I want to go out and work my husband just prefers me to stay home because he works all week And wants to spend time as a family. Of course I do too but we’ll just have to make some sacrifices. Everyone thinks I’m somehow spoiled for not wanting to live off $50,000 but we have lived off much less for the majority of our marriage and we were finally at a point this past year where we were not having to struggle. My husband worked at his ‘dream job’ in landscape design and he actually quit because he didn’t like the office and moved into his current position. I supported him and we moved 3 hours away from our old home and family so he could take the job he has now. It’s only been a year and he wants to get a new job at a new place so yes I’m trying to not be selfish but it’s also hard because he’s changed jobs every two years and after about the two-year mark it seems like he’s always unhappy meanwhile I quit my job to move here and I miss my family and friends.