I’ve been in a shit show of a relationship for the past two years..

My boyfriend has lived with me for maybe the past year. There’s just a lot with him lying about what he’s doing. He has a gambling and drug addiction.. great combination let me tell you.

He’ll pick a fight so he can go off with his friends for days at a time so when I’m not comfortable with him going anywhere I’m automatically “controlling”. He just never give me any reassurance when he goes somewhere.. come home for dinner, come home and go to bed with me, SOMETHING. But he can’t give me that to help me build our trust back up in the relationship.

There was a good bit of our relationship where I was the one working supporting him and I, and my two kids to other relationships..

Well now it’s him working, telling me not to work because I’m pregnant and so we don’t have to pay for child care.. but there’s always an issue with it being HIS money. We have a joint account that’s connected to my main account, so I’m pretty much I charge of why he even spends since he’s irresponsible with money..

And then when we fight it’s always downing me, verbally/mentally abusive. He wouldn’t do this or that if I hadn’t done this or just let him go and do this.. I’m such a bitch, and that’s why “everyone hates me”. I’m not allowed to talk to anyone because he’s spiteful that I don’t condone him going to hang out with his drug buddies. I’m 14 weeks pregnant and now it’s he’s only with me because I’m pregnant and told him I couldn’t trust him with the baby on his own if he left me.. it’s okay though because “he was raised by a drug addict” who he resents and acts way worse than.

I’ve been considering an abortion and it honestly kills me even to think I could do it. I just know I can’t raise a child in this shit show of a situation.. financially there is no way I can take care of three children. I was barely making it with two when I was working before I was In this relationship. He would never let me put the baby up for adoption.. or I would so give it to his dad and step mom who have been trying for a baby now for over a year..

I’m just lost, I don’t know what to do.. but I don’t think I can put a child through all of this shit.. my hearts breaking and I just want to give up at this point.