Weight :(

Today I got invited to go with my friend to the waterslides I got all excited and was like yay I can’t wait!!! Then everything changed I over thought and was like people think your fat people think your ugly nobody wants to see your pale body in a bikini (I’m 14 and have depression and anxiety) I always ALWAYS think of what people see in me...my calves r huge my arms have scars and my thighs...my thighs are huge and fade cheeks are huge so I turned the water slide offer down..im disappointed very sad rn...I can’t keep living life like this I’m worried constantly always sad and idk...I’m trying to lose weight but my depression is like “stay in bed” I really just want to give up on life at this point my quality in life is like liquor from a dollar store it’s not there...I can’t afford a therapist but I really need one :( ack