This is a bit long :/ sorry.

I didn’t know where to put this but a couple days ago on Saturday 6/29/19 I found out my ex had passed away (He was just 20 years old). The way I found out was I was at work and my boyfriend told me and of course I didn’t believe him but who would joke about something like that?

Well I looked at his family’s profile and sure enough it was true. I didn’t want to believe it. I was shocked and kind of just numb to the pain I told my co workers but I kind of just shrugged it off. Later that night me and my boyfriend went to a party and I usually know my limit when I’m drinking alcohol but this time I just didn’t care I kept drinking and drinking until my boyfriend took me home after we got home I started crying my eyes out about his death and I was just distraught. My boyfriend told my parents (we all live together) what happened and he left to go back to the party I was just crying in my room until I went to my mom and she helped me as well as my dad. The funeral was the next day and I was planning on going but I just couldn’t be there without crying my eyes out again and ended up just going to work.

Like he and I didn’t talked that much maybe a couple times a month and we only dated for like a week (2014) and then caught up again and talked about dating again in 2017. I don’t know what’s wrong I feel like I shouldn’t care but then I just get sad and upset and so angry with myself because he needed somebody and he sent a group Snapchat saying he needed somebody and I wasn’t there to help.

He was depressed and so into drugs and I’m just so angry. I was crying so hard I started laughing

I don’t want to eat anything or do anything I’m happy yeah but I’m so upset he was my friend and he’s dead he’s gone and I just don’t know.

I feel bad for my boyfriend because I feel like I shouldn’t be this upset, but truth is I just am.