I’m Shitty

So I have a boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months. He’s absolutely great. He’s a great listener, he’s caring, loving, humorous, understanding, one of a kind. We lost our virginities to each other a year ago. I love him but I’m terrified I won’t in the future.

We’re 2.5 years apart. He didn’t graduate high school. He dropped out due to medical conditions (Chiari malformation & severe scoliosis) and his mom almost died. So, he dropped out to work full time to make money. Her kidney function was 10%, she had open heart surgery.

Last week, he told me he was “comfortable” working minimum age and not having a diploma right now. He said he wants to get his GED & license but doesn’t know how “realistic” his future will be due to medical conditions. I’m an ambitious girl and it may sound wrong but I want to be with someone that doesn’t have to depend on me because they’re “comfortable”.

I also feel like a toxic girlfriend. I become mad very easily, and while I’m working on it, I know it’s not good for him. I’m recovering from self harm, anxiety, depression, and disordered eating habits. I’m doing it all on my own since my family doesn’t have healthcare/health insurance. I feel like he deserves to be with someone better; to support him mentally. I try to motivate him to get his GED & license but he says it can be severely overwhelming, especially since his parents control everything. He & his brother pay $1,000 total a month ($500 a piece). He can’t save up for anything important... and that scares me too.

I’m not sure what to do. He’s too great of a person and we have so much history together. I’d break my own heart if I fell out of love. I seriously need help.