Am I being selfish?

Question

My mother and I have never really had the greatest relationship, and now she lives overseas in Germany with her husband and my little sister. She just recently informed me that they were going to surprise me by flying in for the birth of my child and staying for a couple months to help out and "be grandparents", which don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate. However, we also have my MIL, SIL, (who are both flying in from out of state and staying with us) my grandparents (who have basically cared for me my whole life) and my aunt who are going to be around for the birth and afterwards. I'm a little hesitant to have my mom and step dad stay at my house after I give birth and am recovering, just because of who they are as people and I just know it won't go smoothly like they say it will. That will be 7 people staying in my house when we don't even have the room for that, not to mention a new baby that my husband and I want to figure out how to care for on our own. I'm just stuck and not sure what to do 😭

Answer

I watched my sister emotionally breakdown after she had her first baby due to high stress from family staying with her. She was a wreck. Even though everyone was there to help her and my brother in law, they were so overwhelmed by the company that they felt like failures as being first time parents. My sister was also stressed about how many people were touching and holding my nephew. If I've learned anything from my sister's first go, I won't be having family come over for the first two weeks. I've already stressed this to my parents and my in laws.

Answer

Tell them to find an AirBNB close to your place, but it's too stressful to have that many people staying in your house when you've just gone through birth.

Answer

Tell her the first 2 weeks all they do it eat,sleep, and poop's I wait a few weeks when baby is more awake so they can really meet baby. Maybe that will give you some time. Good luck

Answer

You aren't being selfish. It's great that they want to come visit, but a couple of months is a long time, especially for not asking but telling you. I would encourage them to visit if they want, but maybe plan on staying only a week or two and in a hotel. You will have enough to deal with having a new baby without having to worry about more people in your house. Just respectfully set up a boundary; that's not selfish.

Answer

I told my family that it was awfully sweet but I really wanted that time for me and the baby.

Answer

I would tell them they are more than welcome to come for  visit a few months out. After you guys get settled. You need alone time with the baby! And I would also suggest they have other plans on where to stay, like a hotel.... You dont need to be playing hostess while you're trying to play your new mommy role!!

Answer

I am fuzzy on your situation but if it were me, I would only have the people that have been there for you the most to stay with you! No matter what their relationship is to you. I didn't think you're being selfish at all. Good luck girl!

Answer

Just tell your mom that you thank her for the offer but your home is/ will be full because others had before her stated they would be staying to help. You appreciate her and love her but would have to decline them staying for two months.

Answer

That is ALOT of people!
I only wanted hubs and I.  Then a week r two later everyone else.

Too many people is truly overwhelming.

I suppose you might not be able to change her mind for coming a few weeks later, but stay strong and make it very apparent in emails and phone calls you want as much calmness and low stress as possible.

Answer

I would ask her to wait a couple weeks to allow bonding time between just yall and the baby them or let her stay for a little while.  This is my 3rd you do not want people around when you just come home.  I cried a lot got very angry and flipped out on people.  My husband has finally learned no one comes over for the first week and no overnight guests for the goat month or so.  That's my rules tho. Make your own ypu need to settle in as a family

Am I being selfish?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey