One of those days. Just need to vent

My baby is 7 weeks old. I really do love her with all of my heart but I’m just so incredibly sad & overwhelmed. I have a history of bipolar disorder & anxiety. I’m on medication and have seen the psychiatrist about a week ago to increase my dosage. I just feel like things aren’t getting much better. My boyfriend is amazing & tries to help as much as he can but I’m exclusively breastfeeding & he works full time. We’ve had a few date nights & sometimes he’ll give me a couple hours to myself but I feel like none of these breaks are ever enough for me to fully relax. I end up feeling so guilty because I don’t even miss my baby when I’m away. Right now my baby is napping & all I can do is cry. I don’t want her to wake up. (not literally i just feel like a nap isn’t long enough of a break) Today I don’t feel capable of handling things. It’s horrible but I sometimes wish I had never even gotten pregnant. I feel constant nostalgia about the life I used to have & I mourn the life I could’ve had without her. I wish I could just have at least a full day & night to myself. And I feel so guilty that I feel like this. My daughter deserves better than a mom who can’t enjoy her & just wants to run away.