Dear husband

I wish I could go too. You’re taking a week off from work and flying home. You’ll see your family. Take care of some business. Visit with you sick dad which will mean hanging at his house and probably watching sports or the news. Maybe driving him to town for dinner. You’ll see your aunt. And spend time with your mom.

And the kids and I will be here.

And I’m jealous. Nights of no screaming colicky newborn. No fussing toddler. No upset kindergartner because this change of plans means he’s not going to basketball camp. Not fighting to put down the baby to deal with meals. Eating in a restaurant without worry.

And while I know the reason for this trip is to see your sick dad and take care of some family business, I also know you’ll get to sleep. And get a break.

And the week before our wedding anniversary I’m insanely jealous. Also bc this trip most Likely means our short get away in September won’t happen. You won’t have the vacation time. But I realize that you don’t want the next time you see your dad is at his funeral. You need to go. I just wish I could come too. I mean I love your dad too. And I wouldn’t mind helping him.

By the time you get home, you’ll be headed into another out of town week for work where you’ll be traveling every day which pretty much puts me two weeks dealing with the kids without you. You’ll be tired from travel. I’ll be exhausted more than I am now. Having to push up the timeline of this trip is really frustrating. But we do what we have to do.

I know if I told you to take me you would...if you actually could. But we can’t. I can’t leave three kids and our screaming baby with my mom. I’m not 💯 I’m gonna be able to leave him in September. We can’t afford a hotel or Airbnb right now without dipping into our small savings. We are already doing that to pay for a plane ticket. If it’s just you, you can stay in the guest room at your dads. And truthfully I don’t think my mom is up for keeping all three right now...not for a week.

So yeah. I’m jealous. You’re leaving. It’s our anniversary. And I’m struggling with being left. 6 weeks postpartum. Screaming colicky newborn that has been a struggle since birth. Kids out of school. Summer camps. Work.

A trip to Atlanta to have a day or two of dealing with family details but getting to sleep all night with no baby, no early rising kids, and no work. Sounds like a great anniversary. And in 10 years together it’s another anniversary apart.

I wish we could take the kids if my mom can’t keep them. Let your dad see his new grandson. Make a real trip out of it. Go to the zoo or the aquarium.

Mostly I’m tired of being trapped in the house. Mostly alone with the kids. I feel like you’re living life and I’m stuck here. The only thing I do is take our newborn to the doctor.

I’m trying hard not to be insanely jealous. But I’m alone missing something again tonight. Starving bc the baby has screamed all evening and y’all are eating at the event. Knowing it’s another night holding him or laying m on the couch while he’s in his rocker.

I’d kinda kill to be your wife. Alone. And out of this house.