************ALL NAMES USED HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE SAKE OF ANONYMITY***************

Dear Allen,

I loved you more than I loved myself. I loved you so much that it consumed me. I thought that you could resolve my past traumas and I will admit that was not fair of me. But what was not fair to me was seeing how those past traumas effected me and using them to your advantage. I loved you so much that when people close to both of us tried to comment I rushed to your defense instead of listening. I loved you so much I made excuse after excuse for your behavior. You slowly let your guard down and showed me your true colors. After all the little red flags weren’t enough, the big giant waving red flags still weren’t enough. It took me breaking under the pressure of loving you to make me want to be done. You broke me. You added new traumas.

All in spite of you: I have opened myself up to someone new. To whom I believe you owe a thank you to because he has shown me what having someone care about me is like, having someone who can calm the storm of my anxiety or at least weather it until I am in a better place. I have made myself happy and no longer rely on men to make me happy. I’m not healed completely but I am getting there. I thought you were who I was going to marry. It’s okay that I was wrong. Im glad I was because stepping back looking with a new perspective I realize that even if we would have made it that far. I would not have lasted. So in a way I’m glad we ended things that way we did. Did it hurt? Of course. Was the pain worth it? Of course. I hope you’re doing well. I am.

With the last of my love I have for you,

Kristen