Unrequited love: Him

Dear Him,

My husband and I were talking of first loves and love at first sight today.

I instantly thought of you.

I got reminiscent and could remember meeting you, like it was yesterday. I remember all of the firsts we shared and how you broke me, without a care in the world.

I remember gravitating toward you, like you were a magnet made for me. How I danced with you for hours, laughing my head off. Our first kiss, within hours of meeting and my sudden departure without even remembering your name.

I pined for you thereafter, without any contact details. I regretted running out of the bar with my friends looking for somewhere new. The morning afterwards, I searched Facebook for tagged pictures of us that night, you weren't in them.

Years go by and by this point I was over it, knowing I'd never see that stranger again. I move on, later for that relationship to end and I go back home and try to make new circles of friends. I join a group, unbeknownst to me you would be there.

I gravitate towards you again, without knowing why, that night now a distant memory. But the butterflies were still there and the blushes.

You asked where you knew me from and we couldn't pinpoint where, later that evening I ended up sat on your lap and we discussed where we'd frequent trying to grasp that connection.

You smile and blush with a laugh suddenly remembering our night. 'Its you, your dance moves were spectacular.' Your friend pipes up: 'Thats her, star girl??' 'Ive heard all about you, he spoke about you for weeks.'

We got to know one another over several months, getting into a routine where we'd spend 5 nights a week as friends. One night you walk me home, and we have our second kiss. I remember the butterflied and blush and doing a jump for joy afterwards. Only to tread in dog shit on the pavement afterwards.

We have an almost boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, friends and acquaintances presume we are together. And we are still inseperable a year later, without labels. I had been on love with you since out second meeting and never had the courage to say.

I find out you slept with my friend and were dating her. This broke my heart and I went off the rails, going out pretending to have a good time. Only my best friend could see the shattered girl before them.

I have you an ultimatum and you could never decide, I made the decision for you and I walked away. You never fought for me, my love never reciprocated.

In time I move on, a boy that looks just like you. He's not you.

Our friends invite me over and you're there, you pull me aside and apologise and tell me you have always had feelings for me, how beautiful I am. I forgive you and later dump the boy for you.

We remain friends until one night we gravitate towards one another again. I stay with you and we are up chatting till the sun comes up. You play with my hair and I feel content- that is until you get up and thank me. I ask why and you explain your relationship drama to me. You degrade and use me like a piece of meat in one sentence.

Defeated and broken hearted, absolutely dejected. I leave and look back as I walk out the door, you scratch you play with your hair nervously as I closed the door behind me.

I don't speak to you again and vice versa. I bumped into you again and you ignored me. Stood next to my now husband, I can see why.

I've thought about messaging you on Facebook, to see how you are. I notice you have used the picture I took of you, the one I told you how handsome you look and it's my favourite. I remember you fighting with me over it, but there it is 8 years old sitting proudly as your cover photo. You also got engaged on my wedding day.

I've always thought you were my soulmate, I still think you are. Of all the millions of people in our city, I bump into you twice purely coincidentally. The gravitation, attraction and the butterflies I've never felt with anyone else. It's the stuff of novels and dreams.

My husband knows he's not my first love, nor was it love at first sight. But he knows he's my forever, my life partner. He's the one you could never be.

I hope you are happy, I hope you achieve everyone of your dreams. I hope no one treats your daughter how you treated me.