How to talk to my husband?

Question

I struggle with several mental illnesses (bpd, depression, anxiety, etc) and partly because of that it is REALLY hard for me to express my feelings to my husband.

I can be really upset about something (usually several things) and I can sit there and think of them all in my head and it makes perfect sense but as soon as he asks me why I'm upset it's gone! And I'll I can do is shrug. He gets angry and walks away and I end up even more upset with myself and him for not being understanding...

It doesn't help that when I do manage to tell him something he shoots it down or gets defensive... So then I don't even want to try.

Does anyone have any suggestions?? How should I deal with this? Thank you!

Answer

Start a diary, write down the things that bother you and then be brave and address them with your husband. If he gets defensive, it's natural. Try not to get emotional, give him facts and make sure you're not just whining, but presenting your message clear and with certain solutions. We wish men could read our minds, but they can't. However, if they understand what the problem is and are given a way to resolve it, they'll love to help and will feel like they're super heroes. :)
Going back to the diary: make sure not to focus only on negative. Write down the things you love about him as well. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves.
Good luck!

Answer

Try writing it down in a letter and handing it to him. My husband and I write each other letters to communicate better :)

Answer

Oh hunni, I really feel for you. He loves you so if he's not handling this sensitively he's probably just frustrated that he can't help.

He may feel guilty that he can't make you happy, so he's decided not to listen. But it's not anyone's "fault". I really love this video on depression, it helps people empathise in a non-critical way. If he hasn't seen it already you could try watching it with him:

https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc

Keep on going sweetheart, and you'll get through this together and emergency stronger.

Good luck and

Answer

Try this formula: 
When you... (add behaviour, etc)
I feel/I feel like...
In future I would like...

For example:
When you become angry when I'm upset, I feel like you don't value my feelings and struggles with mental illness.
 In future I would like for you to try to understand how difficult it is discussing my feelings with you, and for you to create a safe environment for me to express myself to you.

This assertive structure helps express your concerns without placing blame on anyone. If he gets defensive it's on him and not you.

Answer

I have bpd as well and I completely understand. It is so hard to talk about how I am feeling. I don't really know of advice, only it's nice to see I'm not alone.

Answer

Bpd as in borderline?

Answer

Have him go to therapy with you so your therapist can better explain your delicate situation to him and help him to be patient and understanding with you

How to talk to my husband?

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