On this day one year ago, I was at an all time low. I had just had my third miscarriage and I was being admitted for surgery for a d&c and possible exploratory surgery for an ectopic pregnancy.

After finding out a week prior that my gestational sac had disappeared, I still did not feel right. My actual follow up appointment was in a month and the were puzzled as to why I was so adamant about checking my HCG levels. I’d done a year of fertility treatments and I had become pretty in tune with my body. I just did not feel right. The nurse overheard me after the PA dismissed me and handed me a lab sheet and told me not to worry, to go to the lab and then go back in two days and she’d handle the orders. I did just that.

My levels did not decline and went up over the next two draws. The doctor called me to come in and told me that she felt like I had a possible ectopic or some “products of conception” left behind even though nothing was found on any subsequent ultrasounds. My heart dropped and she scheduled me for surgery the next morning.

I had zero pain, but had been bleeding since I had a positive test weeks prior. I woke up the next morning and went to the hospital with my husband. After I changed into the gown, a nice pregnant nurse came in and she and I both locked eyes and she almost immediately started crying and so did I. I laid on my side and an immense pain immediately hit me on the opposite. I told my husband, it’s in my tube; my side is hurting and I just know it.

I woke up from surgery and instead of telling the nurse my pain level as she asked, my response was, “Did she take my tube?” “Yes, honey. She took your tube-she had to so you could get better.” I was inconsolable from that moment on. I believe they gave me something for me being upset and pain because I don’t remember anything aside from asking for a picture, which she gave me.

My doctor called me the following day because she had to leave immediately following my surgery and talking to my mom and husband. She said they no longer try to save the tube because it leaves scar tissue and may cause another ectopic later. She said I would be fine and have a healthy pregnancy soon, but she was extremely happy that I was so adamant with the PA because I had already started to have blood in my abdominal cavity and waiting any longer would’ve resulted in a rupture.

Months passed and I had to go through therapy to get past this. I was lost and having suicidal ideations.

Months passed and I had another positive test in December which ended in a chemical. When January rolled around, I no longer wanted to try.

Low and behold... Blazing positive around 10 DPO. I am currently 27 weeks with a perfect little boy. After four miscarriages and five babies, thousands of dollars in procedures, tests and medicines, I will be holding my miracle in October.

Ladies, two things. Never give up hope. Never. Never let someone dismiss your concerns when it comes to your reproductive health and your life. Be your own advocate. Sending love and baby dust to all of you ladies.

The picture is of baby B in my tube. The background shows a hint of blood from where I was starting to bleed, but not fully pictured. I had already started ovulating during the time of my surgery as well.