I need to vent. Last year I got my Nexplanon removed because it was making my bleeding crazy heavy and making my hair fall out. I was also really stressed because my boyfriend’s mom told me after she had hers, it took them 10 years to get pregnant with his little brother. So I got it removed.

My doctor put me on something to regulate my periods, it was a pill called Yaz. That worked for 9 months until my periods started getting painful. Sometimes unbearable. I’m not one of those girls that go to the doctor for everything, especially not period cramps. But they were getting to the point that I couldn’t even stand at work. They were taking the focus off of my job. My doctor put me on another form of birth control called Seasonale. It was supposed to prevent me from having my period for three months at a time. It worked to an extent. I was spotting a little bit every month and it was somewhat painful. I started to not like the fact that I wasn’t having a period because it made me think. If that pill failed, I wouldn’t know if I was pregnant or not. Not for a few months anyways.

Yesterday I went to my doctor and I was supposed to be getting the Mirena IUD put in but my cervix wouldn’t open up for them to do it and she wanted to stop after several tries because she didn’t want it to be any more painful for me than it already was. So now, I supposed to be taking some time to think about my options. And honestly. I don’t wanna be on birth control at all. I was only ever on it in the first place because I lost my virginity at 13 years old, and my mom found out and demanded that I be on birth control so we tried the Mirena then. It fell out after three days. Then we tried the Nexplanon and I got it removed on my own when I was 17. And here I am now. 19 years old and at a loss. I don’t believe in birth control and I never have. Maybe it’s just me and the crazy side effects I’ve had with it, but I don’t believe in it and I’m coming to the conclusion that I’ve always been on birth control to make other people happy. Whether it’s a boyfriend or my mom, I’ve always been on it because someone else wanted me to be.

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I got in a huge fight because he thinks it’s my responsibility only to prevent pregnancy and that I absolutely NEED to be on something when he knows I don’t wanna be because of the side effects and experiences I’ve had. I don’t know what to do. I’m upset and could’ve cried yesterday when we were fighting. I feel like I’m not respecting him by not getting on birth control. Please help.