I met a guy & I like him SO MUCH it kills me, I have feelings for him, not like I need him or anything, I just really like him.

But he and I believe some different things and he's making me think a lot about my values & spirituality and it's bringing up my past because I used to be very religious- and also, I'm not a good person to hang with if you're newly religious, I don't want to get in the way of his religion. (I read lots of Nietzsche.)

But he's so cool and I really respect him, and feel differently about him than most... I suppose because he's very honest and self assured and confident and smart and interesting and I am so enjoying our conversations- he is honestly so beautiful to me, and no, although he is physically attractive, it's definitely not just that & not about sex at all now, to me- I don't expect sex to happen.

I don't even really want a relationship and I'm scared, I don't want to fall in love and I'm scared of his different values- but also, I probably won't fall in love, I mean we just met awhile ago, lol.

I'm just freaking out a little bit about a lot of things. Usually I do push people away, and I just really want to know him.

Also before he and I were hanging out, I was trying to be polyamourous more and I had a FWB, who I also respect very much, but now I'm tempted to stop having any sexual or romantic side in that relationship. (Although, it was a rare thing.)

What's going on :(

I've always been non-committal and scared of forming new attachments, and I've been emotionally abused, those things could play a role here.

I'm very tempted to continue to get to know him, but if it ended, I think I'd be comfortable with it- I just want to enjoy the experience... but I'm scared that's morally wrong? Like I'm supposed to decide he's not for me? I'm confused.

Please tell me why a regular thing that happens to people is disturbing me so much!