So it's been a 2 years since it happened I was a junior in high school. And I was at my friend's house because my mom was an alcoholic and I never wanted to be home no real good reason other than I cant do yelling or violence it would always give me anxiety to the point I would pass out and start shaking. So I stayed with my friend let's call her a. Anyway a and I were chillin out messing around on Facebook when I got a message. It was some random guy with an dick pic I didn't want to see. So a and I laughed at it because well it was small. I told him to go awa. He did and then I texted my then boyfriend I told him about the dick pic and we all joked about how small it was. So that was that until a few weeks later he started messaging me again he apologized for sending the picture. And I was like ok well dont do it again no random people on the internet want to see that. And me being the jokester I was we continued to talk and bullshit. My bf at the time him and I would hang out at the mall or go for joy rides all the time we also use to hang out at his house and play video games all 3 of us. Then one day after school he texted me he was like come over I got a new game. I didn't think twice about it told my bf hey i am going over to his house to play a new game he got you in? My bf said no not today because he had to work but for me to go and have fun. So I went and yah it was a cool game I guess but it went from video game to him closing the door. I got uneasy the second the door closed. So I went to grab my phone off the charger. He pushed me back on to the bed. I told him I think my phone went off. It could be important. He said it could wait. Then I said I think I am going to go home my head is starting to hurt. He called me a lying whore and then he got on top of me. I tried to push him off when he started kissing me. That mad him mad so he hit me. With one hand he held both of my hands with the other he started to ready himself and take off my pants. That is the moment I left my body and while watching what was happening to me I thought about what was for dinner and what my mom was drinking. ( I never use to think about stealing her acahole) when he was done I felt so dirty... he just stole my virginity.. I didn't k me how to react so I acted like nothing happened. And went back to playing video games. Acting like everything was ok. When I left I texted my bf I said that the game sucked and I dont wanna hang out with that guy again. He asked what happened and I said we got in a fight over the game. That was just to explain the bruises. Then I went over to a 's house and told her i needed a shower. I k ow I was in there a wile because a came in and asked me why I was crying and why I was taking so long. I blamed school and stress. I told myself not to tell anyone what happened. Nobody would believe me. So I thought I was acting normaly but apparently not my bf at the time told me I was changing alot I wasn't talking about the things I would normally talk about the way I dressed changed. Hoodies lose jeans with a belt I cut my hair. My bf broke up with me a few weeks later. I was like ok whatever at this point I was suicidal and I just lured I was pregnant. My mom tried to contact the my rapeist and force me to look at him. So I told my mom to just drop it and that I didn't want to see him anyway. My mom was happy about the baby I was about ready to die. I mean yah there are choices I could have made but none of them seemed like something I could live with. So about a week later I decided to put the baby up for adoption and I was excited about giving it to someone who actually wants a baby. It was going to be the good in the darkness I was in. But the morning after i decided what i was going to do i had a pain that went through my whole body. I went to the bathroom and blood was all over me. I turned on the shower and sat in the tub crying. My mom came in finnaly sober and saw all the blood everywhere. I guess it was too much because she called 911. And aspirin is apparently not something you take for that kind of pain and I didn't know I couldn't take aspirin so in short my miscarriage almost killed me. Then after all of that happened I ran I dropped out of school and tried to run from everything. Well about 6 months later I went to jobcorps. Got raped again. Told someone that time and was able to recover. Then I met my now husband he knows about the rapes he was my bestfriend after the second rape happened. My first rapeist went to prison. My second is now in prison. And I am finnaly happy Granted I will never forget the baby that was supposed to be the light for me and another family I named him Isaiah. I dont know why it's a boys name I just always thought of it as a boy.but I am now happily married with my son due any week now. So the other day I finally told my friend a why I didn't want to go back why I dropped out of school. I think she told my ex because he texted and apologized. I acted like idk what your apology is for I haven't spoke with you in over a year.