Hi,

So, I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now. He recently got divorced last November after being married for almost 5 years. The reason they split was because she cheated on him with one of his friends while he was away on a business trip and whenever he tried to confront her about it she didn’t answer the question and just told him she wanted a divorce.

The reasons I believe he might still have feelings for her are because:

• She asked for the divorce. Not saying that he would have stayed with her if she would have admitted to cheating but she was the one who pushed for it.

• He still gets very angry whenever he talks about her and in my opinion, you have to love someone to hate them.

• He tells her things before me sometimes

And probably the biggest one of all:

• They have two kids together

I’m just gonna start off by saying I still have slight trust issues from previous relationships where I have been cheated on, left behind for someone else, emotionally and mentally abused, etc. but to elaborate on that third bullet, I was being a bit of a bad girlfriend and one night when I was drunk I went through his phone. The reason I did was because I saw a text from her on his phone the day before that I didn’t really like so I wanted to investigate. When I went through his messages with her it was mostly them discussing things that had to do with the kids or pictures of them but every now and then there would be random conversations like him telling her about how he got hurt playing hockey (he didn’t even tell me about this until days after it happened) or whenever I went with him when he bought a new car I took a picture of him in front of it and he sent her that picture and told her how excited he was, and also was sort of venting to her about this body building group he is in that he wants to quit. I don’t mind that they talk at all, I get it they were married at one point and also have two kids so communication has to be there between them BUT... why is it that he goes to her whenever something happens? Or why is it that he tells her before me? Because all of these things that he tells her he tells me too but not until days after or if I ask him something and then he has that “oh yeah I forgot to tell you” moment. I feel like no matter what, good or bad, when something happens I should be the first to know about it or he should vent to me about things rather than her.

I feel kind of crazy because I feel like I’m overreacting about this. I just don’t know how to go about it and it’s been bothering me for days. I don’t want these feelings to just sit and get worse and eventually make me have bad feelings towards him and our relationship. I love him very much and just want to be his number one person to go to. I don’t want to feel like there is someone on the same level as me or on a level above me.

Edit: I just think if he talks so badly about her to me then why share things with her? He calls her names and gets really heated whenever she does things (related to the kids, etc. ) that he doesn’t like and goes on rants but then still feels the need to be friendly to her by sharing parts of his life with her that she isn’t even involved in anymore. It’s just confusing me on where they stand with being ex’s and co-parenting. Like is he just putting up with her or is he trying to be friends with her for their children?

Edit: okay to the people who are like “omg only three months?!?” We’ve known each other longer than just those three months haha please simmer down lol we only have been dating for that long is what I’m saying