Long story short I had a complete placenta abruption that was caused by continuous contractions with no dilation. Essentially my daughter was bleeding to death inside of me. When my doctor opened me up during my c section I heard a splat and later found out it was all of her and my blood that immediately hit the ground. My daughters highest total APGAR was a 2 and had to be resuscitated twice, was more than likely not going to survive. While in the hospital anytime the stupid baby jingle would play I would immediately start crying, I never once made a sound I just cried. By some miracle my daughter got to come home two weeks later but had a brain injury known as HIE and it’s effecting he motor development.

I’ve been hospitalized yesterday for unknown low blood pressure extremely elevated BPM and Pulse with my white blood cells being over 21,000 and they are supposed to be between 4,000-10,000... anyways I’m at the same hospital and I didn’t know the stupid baby jingle was played throughout the entire hospital. It’s gone off 6 times today and I just want to scream I feel like my chest is closing in and my anxiety is through the roof. I need out of this freaking hospital ASAP. I’m entirely alone here as my boyfriend had to return back to school for summer semester and work and my mother is watching my daughter. I have no idea when I’m going home and if I hear the stupid jingle one more time I’m going to loose my shit.

Before even coming to the hospital I have nightmares about what happened that day I remember being cut open and feeling it but I kept my mouth shut because my daughter flat lined before we even got to the OR. Luckily the medication quickly made the pain go away. I remember the nurse squeezing my hand harder every time I screamed asking why my baby wasn’t crying. I remember them wheeling my daughter out with me not even getting to look at her only seeing the top of her hat wheel by. I remember her neonatologist telling me to prepare for funeral arrangements. I’m just a freaking wreck 😭

Who would of known one simple like song played over an intercom would shake someone to their core.

Rant over I just needed to let this out somewhere because I don’t have any friends in my home city :/