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I would take him stating that he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready and him putting it off as the truth and act accordingly. It absolutely sucks, but don't waste your time. He shouldn't be forced to have kids if he doesn't want them, and you shouldn't be forced to live without them if you want them.
Husband does not want a baby...??
Looking for some advice since I am really conflicted!
My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. When we got engaged I was 6 weeks pregnant and sadly we lost that baby at 12 weeks. We were not ready for a baby at that time, but I was excited because I have always wanted to be a mom.
Over the past 2 years we have discussed when we would try and it was always “when we have _____ money” “when we buy a house” “when I get a better job” from my husband.
The other day he ambushed me by saying he doesn’t know if he will ever be ready... 😳
He said he keeps giving different reasons to extend and push it further and further in hopes that he will eventually change his mind. He says he wants to want it, but just doesn’t.
He then was saying he thinks that maybe when we are 28-29 he would be comfortable with it. (We are 24 now)
I feel so dragged along and played because he has pretended for all this time and now I can’t decide if I can trust him about waiting another 4 years or if that is just another ploy. I refuse to not have children. It is an absolute need.
I’m struggling with whether or not this is repairable, and if I am willing to wait and risk it still not happening. Or if this is the end and we both just don’t want to let it go. Something you just can’t compromise on....
Does anyone have any advice on this? I am so conflicted
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This is totally a dealbreaker and a valid reason to end a marriage.You say you’ve talked and he’s been telling you the reason is financial mainly. I’d continue to talk through this. At least for now... Maybe even try couples counseling and be able to talk in a neutral space. Do you guys have a financial plan and are actively pursuing those goals? He wants a house-is he saving for a down payment? Do you guys have debt like student loans or a car payment? Credit cards? How are your savings? I’d make a few budget sheets and start there. Those preliminary figures should adjust both of your expectations. Maybe making some cuts would bring you closer to a compromise on timelines if money is truly the factor. Whether good or bad it will give you more piece of mind. None of you are wrong but maybe it is really just a matter of money at this point. Men are often taught to be the main provider and if you want to be a SAHM, his point isn’t wrong in that case. I’d watch his actions over his words. My husband is like this. He wants to be really financially secure before even considering having a child. I don’t blame him because kids are expensive and if you can’t live comfortably just the two of you, bringing another into the family isn’t going to help the situation if you can help it. We are older than you and are on the fence of even having one because of the cost associated with it-$200k from conception to 18, and that’s not including higher education! Also we live in a high COL area. We just bought our house and want to do so many things but unlike you, I’m flexible about having kids. Either way I’ll always stick with my husband because to me our relationship is precious and not worth ending over that. But for you it’s a perfectly valid reason if he’s just being wishy-washy and suddenly pulling the bait and switch. That’s not fair to you and you should be free to make that decision without shame. Best of luck and hope everything works out for you!
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