Ok but I’m proud.. Eating disorder and pregnancy.. UPDATE #2!

The last few years I’ve struggled with an undiagnosed eating disorder. Undiagnosed because I was showing signs of many different ones. I couldn’t weight a 3 digit number. If I did, I starved myself until I didn’t anymore. I’m 5’1.

When I got pregnant, I was 99lbs. I’m 10 weeks pregnant in this photo.

Throughout the whole pregnancy, my doctors wouldn’t weight me. If they did, they wouldn’t let me look at the scale. Today I decided I was going to look at the scale and be okay with it. Today, I decided that I needed to accept the fact that the weight I have gained is weight I needed to gain to keep my son healthy and happy until he arrives into the world.

I am 39w1d in this photo.

I have gained 41lbs during this pregnancy. I currently weight 140lbs. This is the most I have ever weighed and I still struggle with feeling like a beached whale as I describe it. I’ve also faced my biggest fear.. stretch marks.

Today I decided to be proud of the weight I have gained. Yes, it may be a bit late to have accepted that as I’m less then a week away from my due date however this was a big accomplishment for me. As for postpartum, I’ve decided that I’m going to focus on being fit instead of skinny. After all, muscle weights more then fat right?

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! I don’t have anyone in my life to share this with so, thank you for reading😊

UPDATE!

First, I’d like to thank everyone who commented on this or upvoted it. I never expected it to blow up like this.. I HAD MY SON TODAY!!!

Unfortunately there were some complications during labour so we’re both staying in the hospital for a few days. He was 8lb 8oz!! His name is Logan! I haven’t had the guts to look in the mirror yet. I haven’t been able to take a postpartum photo yet because I’m not allowed to walk and have a catheter in but I’ll update you again once I get that photo!!

UPDATE 2

24hrs postpartum. I got to hold Logan today for the first time today. The also removed his CPAP Machine!!! He’s breathing on his own now. He still has a hematoma from being a vacuum birth and he’s still on antibiotics for respiratory distress. Hopefully he’ll be home by Saturday or Sunday. I had a blood transfusion today because my hemoglobin levels dropped to 61 after giving birth. We’re slowly improving!