This is my problem. My MIL and sister in law are serious smokers who smoke in their car and house. His mother smoked while pregnant with my husband and continue to do so around him even though he had asthma. My MIL is also a hoarder so the house and car are unsafe and completely contaminated by third hand smoke. We told them long before we even got pregnant to try and quit and get everything cleaned up or they could not be around our daughter. My husband has brought it up multiple times they need to do these things but just ignore him and continue to say they are taking off work when the baby is born and will see us in a couple weeks. My MIL is also very passive aggressive with me, always acting like everything I do is wrong. I feel anxious every time I have to see her for holidays or big events and just can’t wait to leave. She will show up at our house unannounced which I find rude. I just don’t feel it is fair that I have to feel this way and my husband agrees that she acts that way towards me. Around 24 weeks we found out our daughter has a rare heart condition that will require open heart corrective surgery so we are even more strict about any kind of chemicals and carcinogens being around her. I’m 35 weeks and they haven’t done any of the things we said so I feel like it’s disrespectful that she doesn’t respect the boundaries we set. At this point I want there to be no contact with her but I don’t know how to make that clear. I will post screenshots of texts to her.

That is what I had him send to her to make it clear we are done. She never responded, so we thought she finally understood. A week later she showed up to the baby shower with my sister in law even though they never rsvp and were only invited because she asked my mother about the shower. Which my mom didn’t know we were deliberately not giving her one. She is they type of person who thinks you owe her if she buys you something. So we don’t want her to use that as a way to ignore our rules. At the shower my sister in law told me I had to tell her when I had the baby for her to take off work, I just ignored that to not have drama at my shower. Then my MIL said “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks” to my mother even though we sent her that message about the smoking and not coming around.

Now these messages from his mother to my husband this week...

She asked when I was being induced.

She said she hadn’t had a cigarette yet at 6 in the morning.

At this point I just want him to tell her she can stop. One because I don’t believe her that she’s doing anything. Two because she hasn’t respected what we’ve ask for so far so she’s not going to about anything else. It also won’t change how she talks to me I don’t want to hear how my parenting is wrong.

How can we make it clear we don’t want her around without being completely rude.