Fiance Left Me 😔 (Trigger Warning - Depression)

My fiancè and I were engaged for one week and then he showed up while I was shopping with a bag full of my stuff from his house and told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. He didn't say why, just that he didn't trust me anymore but I have never lied or cheated and I'm so confused.

He won't talk to me and has turned all of my friends apart from one against me, I have no idea what he's saying..

I attempted a day after he did it as I just can't cope and although I no longer want to end things I still just don't want to exist anymore. I'll never love again (dramatic I know but honestly I won't)

I wrote him a letter asking him to reconsider and telling him we can slow thing right down and sent it today because I can't just let it go, I'm still in shock.. he keeps saying he still loves me but he's treating me like a crazy ex and basically just telling his friends I can't handle a break up and am insane.

He doesn't know I attempted and he never will but I want to give it one last chance. I'm so lonely and he has broken my heart so badly.

How can i ever recover? I don't want to see anyone else, I'm on citalopram and diazepam (valium), I've come home to see my family for a week and I lost my job two days ago because of the time I spent in hospital after my attempt.

I have spoken with my friend but it's always about my ex and my only other friend has tried to kiss me twice since it happened and I feel he's just taking advantage of my situation.

Sorry to rant but I'm giving up here.

I'm still so in love I can't imagine him doing this or seeing anyone else despite the rumours that he already is. I just want him back and I'm trying to give him space but it feels like he'll think I'm giving up... I can't look at other couples or listen to music or watch any shows without crying or feeling like I just want to end it.

Every song I hear I remember listening to with him, every film I watch we watched together or were going to, we binged all our favourite shows together, we lived together for three months, I only lived in England to be with him, my family live 500 miles away..

I'm surrounded by him and I know it's somehow my fault it's over. I can't escape thinking about him.

I included some photos in the letter I sent him and this is what I wrote on the backs, one is of me and a wild pony that he took on my birthday and the other is of us at a Christmas lights display in the woods. I may be acting clingy and psycho but I want to save this relationship with the love of my life.

QUICK EDIT - I am in therapy but it is getting too expensive, but I am in therapy. I also see a doctor regularly to review my medications. 💕