I’m scared of being in love...

Well straight up what it says above. I’m scared of being in love.... yes I know it can be wonderful, yes I have someone that I may or may not “love”. Here’s the thing, I have been in a relationship for almost two years now, this guy has been my whole life, I have so many things that I have given him and done for him and so much I have endoured to be with him. Looking back now I feel dumb because well I regret it all. We went from speaking all night long to him ignoring me at all times, he no longer even says he loves me or calls me sweet names, yet he doesn’t want to break up, I’ve been struggling with a bunch of things and this for almost three months and I’m finally starting to feel better, Now I’m scared because I don’t want to give myself up anymore just to be hurt, I don’t want to be vulnerable again. After two years of being with this guy, I learned all about him, every little thing he likes, I memorized every part of him. The saddest thing is... I no longer know myself.... Now that things are ending I don’t know who i was before him, I don’t know how to be me, yeah things are getting better but now I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll fall in love again and that I’ll become vulnerable and lose myself again, I’m scared of giving my all for someone for a long period of time once again and being left. Or I’m scared that I’ll get cheated on and played with, I’m just scared because I don’t wanna feel the way I feel now ever again.

I know this post is a mess but it’s late and I don’t know how to explain myself well and yeah I know I have to leave the guy I’m “with” but he left for training with the marines and I won’t see him anytime soon.