Finding out the gender or not

Since I knew I wanted kids I couldn’t imagine carrying a child and not finding out the gender. With my first I wanted to know so badly and we got the gender we had hoped for - a baby boy! ♥️ We only want one more child and I have been DYING to find out the gender (we are hoping for a girl.. I literally can’t imagine my life without a daughter). I had a dream last night that I couldn’t get a hold of my results until days before I delivered and I chose to not find out since I was so close, cause what difference would it make at that point. And right now I’m watching a show with a couple on and off about wanting to find out their results. All of the sudden I’m getting cold feet about finding out but I’ve NEVER felt this way before so I am SO confused.. but I think a tiny part of it that I don’t want to admit is that I am afraid to know my results.. because we don’t want more than 2 and I feel like I’ll have some sort of guilt if it ends up being a boy and if I act any bit disappointed. There’s woman out there who can’t even carry a a child of their own and I’m over here complaining about the gender I want .. how do I decide what to do 😩💔