Frustrated down there


So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. I feel like I’ve always initiated sex with him and when I start it I usually blow him to start while he lays there and then we have sex. I don’t like giving bjs while he lays down because he gets so much harder when he stands and I feel like if I’m ganna start him he could make it easier sometimes. When I don’t start sex we rarely have it and if we do it’s him coming home and just starting usually no foreplay. Recently he’s been saying how I don’t really give him bjs anymore and granted I have giving him less since it hurts my neck and the back of my throat and he lasts forever. I’d rather blow him and turn it into sex so we can both have fun but lately he’s been asking me to finish him. I hate this because it’s all effort for me and all pleasure for him and he can only go once a night so that means we aren’t having sex so no fun for me. When I ask for head I never just want to finish without him and then leave him there to dry we always have sex after. I’m starting to feel horrible about myself. I don’t really feel wanted and I’m so tired of having a higher sex drive than him and waiting for him to initiate. I’m so envious of other women who’s men constantly want it. I get so sexual frustrated sometimes I don’t even want to have sex or masterbate anymore because I feel like a slut and I just get depressed because all I can think about is sex. This is not how I want to live my life. Is there anyway I could lower my sex drive and not need sex at all? I just don’t want to care and be frustrated anymore.

Also I forgot to mention how much I have to baby him. I bring him his food I cook I clean and I always have to give him back rubs and massages but I have never gotten any of that and I wish I could. I wanna be taken care of too.