Postpartum depression 3 years later???

So I had postpartum depression when my daughter was born but it seems to get worse now she is almost 3.

Everything she does pisses me off I snap at her and get irritated I’m so exhausted

My only days off I am alone with her 24/7 for days at a time with no other adult contact. Like at all because I’m a single mom it’s literally just us. S ometimes I let her watch tv for like two hours because I dissociate and feel too lazy to actually parent her and do stuff with her. At the same time I love her so much I obsess over her safety and happiness and think I’m an awful mother. I have thoughts like.... maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother because I can’t even actively parent her

Why did I think it was a good idea to have a kid

I wasn’t cut out for this

I have intrusive thoughts of something horrible happening to her that I cant control and paranoia over her safety when she’s not with me.

I feel so detached sometimes and like can’t even get myself to fully be present with her and don’t even care or want to be, I can’t bring myself to be happy or enthusiastic

yet as soon as she’s in bed or with her dad I miss her.

I am a horrible mother I feel like I can’t do it right I’m just not right for this but I need her and love her more than anything but I wish I could be better idk what’s wrong with me. It’s not even that I need a break because she sees her dad 3 nights a week and I work and go to school during those nights. As soon as she leaves though I get the horrible intrusive images and thoughts and obsess over her safety. I’ll think things like “if I don’t go back and put that shirt away she will die” like that makes no sense but a therapist wouldn’t diagnose me with ocd because there’s no “ritual” it’s just random thoughts and compulsions mixed with everything else