I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy today. He’s so perfect and I love him so much. The labor was intense. And I mean intense. I was in labor for around 24 hours but the last 5 hours were spent pushing with everything I had. If he hadn’t been so low and stuck behind my pelvic bone then they would have done a C-section after a while. Finally the got him out with the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt. They say once you see your baby your forget the pain. I don’t forget the pain at all, I remember every detail of it. I just know that looking at him made it worth it. But then things got complicated..

my placenta wouldn’t come out so my dr had to stick her whole hand and wrist up there and retrieve it and then it came out in pieces. Something was wrong so they rushed me to a D and C. Once I was under and they went in they discovered the placenta had grown into the uterine wall. They scraped out as much as they could but if they scraped any more they could thin the uterine wall too much or rupture it and I’d need a hysterectomy. So as of right now I have pieces still inside me and a fluid filled balloon in there to help control the bleeding. Because of this however, I won’t ever be able to have another child. The risk could be death. The next placenta could latch onto the old one or grow through the thinned uterine wall and grow onto a nearby vital organ. Being told you can never have another child was really tough for me to hear and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m so thankful for the beautiful joy I have and holding him is like the best high I can ever experience but when the hormones settle and life becomes its new normal I’m afraid of how I’ll revisit this news and how I’ll handle it. Sorry for the long post. I just needed to talk about it I guess.