I don't even know where to start. I can't get my head around what's going on in my life and I feel so alone.

My father passed away 8 days ago, even though I knew it was coming I wasn't ready to say goodbye. You can never prepare to lose a parent no matter how much time you have. My partner and myself were also going through a rough patch. When my dad first died. My partner was great.. For the first 2 days!! On the 3rd day we argued, obviously I am grieving and maybe I'm to blame for the argument, but I never saw what was coming next. He finished with me and threw me out of our home! His mother made sure she voiced her opinion too which made matters worse because he is quite close to his family so listens to her a lot! In his txts he's using words he'd never normally use, and using words his mother uses! So I know shes having an influence on him. Even though he has his own mind and can make his own decisions she has a way of getting in to people's heads, she's a vile person. It was my birthday yesterday and he still got me a card and chocolate. So a part of me thinks maybe he does still care, and he said he doesn't know what could happen in the future. I also asked him if there was anybody else because if there was I said I would walk away and let him get on with his life, he assured me there was no one else. I'm trying to read between the lines when he's saying these things and thinking maybe there will be a chance? We also have a holiday booked for September which he says he still wants to come with me and the kids. I know people will say he's shit for throwing out right after my dad's death and I'm better off on my own but I really do love this man and I can't even begin to start grieving my dad properly without him by my side. It's all such a mess. I'm going to a hotel today for the day and night by myself for some me time. We were supposed to be going together as a birthday treat. Why do some men act like they're over the relationship already? After almost 7 years surely he must still feel something?