Never getting married...

Courtney

So my boyfriend or whatever you want to call him, proposed to me many years ago. He apaprently has no intention of following through with it anytime soon. So last night I finally made him admit I'm not good enough for him. Last August I was pregnant with our second baby. He was the one that brought up following through with it. I was over the moon excited that I finally got to marry my best friend. Last minute he backed out on me. I was heart broken to say the least and still trying to forgive him for what he did. Fast forward to last night I was fed up and I told him that it sucks that I would do it in a heartbeat and he doesn't reciprocate those feelings. It just truly hurts and it makes me feel like I'm not worth it. Like I'm not worth the risk. So apparently I'm just not. We've been together for 5 years, 2 kids, and basically live like we are married. Apparently I'm not worth any of it. I'm absolutely devastated right now and he is at work. I'm debating on whether packing him a bag or not.

317 views • 1 upvote • 19 comments

COMMENT (19)

Ch

Posted at
That’s one thing I can’t stand is a man who wants to have the married benefits but doesn’t actually want to get married. He’s not worth your time. Believe me, there is a man out there who will want to love you AND your kids and marry you in a heartbeat.

Ta

Taylor • Aug 3, 2019
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to get married, as long as your up front about it and this situation her man is stringing her a long, he knows she wants that and gives her false hope.

🍎

🍎 • Aug 3, 2019
What about the woman who doesn’t want to be legally married but wants to live that way or the couple that has agreed to live this way? Why is it always men just blamed for these things 🤷🏻‍♀️

🖤

Posted at
I’m truly not trying to be rude and know there are those who don’t believe in marriage, but I refused to be a wife until I actually was one. I’m sorry that he’s acting like this. You are worth it and he sounds like an ass.

K

K • Aug 3, 2019
You’re one of the small 2% of women who truly get pregnant on birth control then! I don’t believe in abortion either so I’m not trying to fault you for keeping your babies! It’s just that MOST women don’t get pregnant on accident. Honestly, if everything else in your relationship is good I would just cut your losses and drop the marriage thing. Nagging him to death about it obviously hasn’t worked, if anything all it does is make men want to marry less. Plus, what’s the alternative? Are you truly willing to leave him, break your family apart for a piece of paper? I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be but you also have to outweigh what the alternative is.

🖤

🖤J.🖤 • Aug 3, 2019
You said you’ve been together five years and are on the second baby and live like you’re married. Is there any other issues besides him not wanting to marry because if that’s the biggest issue I would have pushed for it hard before rolling with all of that.

Co

Courtney • Aug 3, 2019
Well I got pregnant using the nuvaring 💁‍♀️ i just dont believe in abortion

La

Posted at
Pack him a bag, leave it on the steps, and change the locks. It sounds like hes the one that isnt good enough

Aw

Posted at
I don’t think you can fault him for not wanting to get married. I know a few people who are in committed relationships but don’t “believe in” marriage. If he is caring like a husband, provides like a husband then packing his bag is wrong. You both need to have a real sit down and talk things out. Looks like yous want different things.

To

To • Aug 3, 2019
That’s true, but then he should have been up front about that. He shouldn’t have proposed and he shouldn’t have said he wanted to and then backed out last minute. No one has to get married but to pretend you do is wrong and messed up on many levels.

Sa

Posted at
So do you have a good relationship aside from this difference on getting married? I know if marriage is really important to you this could be frustrating. You are mad that he doesn't seem to be taking your feelings into consideration but are you taking his feelings into consideration? Marriage is a big deal and people can be apprehensive or against getting married for many reasons that have nothing to do with their partner not being worth it or worth the risk like you think (though also to be fair it is generally a bigger risk for the man than the women and half of marriages do end in divorce). Have you actually communicated with him about this to find out his real feelings or reasonings on marriage (not just forcing him to admit you aren't good enough). If you plan to be with someone the rest of your life 5 years really isn't a long time so what's the rush of getting married especially if he isn't comfortable with the idea yet. I mean it is up to you but personally I don't think it would be a reason to end a relationship especially if it is a good relationship otherwise.

Co

Courtney • Aug 3, 2019
And our situations sound exactly the same

Co

Courtney • Aug 3, 2019
We have an awesome relationship otherwise and this is the only thing we fight about. I'm honestly just sad and I don't know how to get over this feeling. I hate it. Makes me feel like shit and worthless.

Sa

Salena 🌞 • Aug 3, 2019
Also for a bit of perspective on my own relationship weve been together over 5 years, have 2 dogs and a house, live like we are married but we aren't. Neither of us care much either way about marriage I think we will get married some day but we aren't in a rush or anything. He defiantely has more apprehensions on marriages and weddings though. His parents were never married (though it was for the best that way) but they were still together for many years and had 3 kids etc. He also has a lot of family members that have jumped around relationships, and he was in his uncles wedding which he didn't like and that marriage didn't last either. He also has anxieties in general and wouldn't care for a wedding or celebration where he is the center of attention. Where I on the other hand had great example of marriages and weddings growing up. Especially my own parent's who have been married well over 30 years now. I also know I would be the type of person to walk away and let him keep anything he wanted including the house and dogs if it came down to it without any conflict.

🍎

Posted at
If it’s not what you want love tell him and move on . He may change his mind he may not but it’s up to you what you do with it. There will be some one who has the same out look an want the same things you want out there!

Ta

Posted at
Get him out you don't need that bringing you down if your not worth it neither is he living with you

Ke

Posted at
There’s something holding him back, and it’s not going to get better until you have an honest conversation with him. You need to communicate and find out why he keeps backing out. It could be a small concern that you can easily talk through, or it might be something in your relationship that will take some work. Either way, it won’t get better on its own, so you two need to have a talk.

Co

Courtney • Aug 3, 2019
I have tried many times. It ends up in a huge fight with nothing resolved.