Scared and lost

Poppy

5months before i had a cancer removal surgery. It was in my ovary. Both tummor and ovary was taken out. I have been feeling great, no metastasis, all clean and in remission.

On june 18 i had a computed tomography to prove that i am healthy now. Everything was fine. Finally i could ease a bit. Doctors sayed that the other ovary i have left is very small and probalby not functioning. So getting pregnant would be a miracle.

A few week ago i started to feel pregnant. The same symptoms as the first two times ( one baby, one miscarriage).

Tried to get those thoughts away. We haven't planned a baby jet, used a protection. And today i found out - definitely pregnant. I am scared. About lot of things. About computed tomography i did only 12days before conceiving... I know that chemicals and radiation stays in the body for much longer. About natural medicaments for avoiding cancer to reaper, and those are not compatible with pregnancy too. So what if the baby is not ok... ?

I am scared About myself. I had so much stress this year because of my health condition. I was planning to pay more attention for myself, to treat myself as i deserve, to sleep more than 5hours a day, to take a rest from everything.

I am Scared about my 3year old daughter. She is very demanding and hyperactive, really charming girl, but soo hard at the same time. How will i cope with two kids. How will she react...

I am scared to say this news for my mother.. She was suggesting me to take out the ovary, which is left and just forget about having more kids because of risks for cancer. She has always said that my daughter is so much work to do.. So maybe we shouldn't have any more children, because i am already tired.

I am scared about our finances, we are kind of broke now.. I know that alot can happen in other 8months. But still scared.

I have to point out, despite all those things i am scared of, i am not considering to do an abortion.

This baby is a miracle, but how to cope with myself? How to stop worrying so much?