Yes, I know this is kind of pathetic.

Before I met my partner, I was with this absolute POS who cheated on me and emotionally abused the hell out of me.

That being said, part of me misses the intense highs that came with the intense lows. I miss that passion, the craziness, the instability of it all. It was like a drug. We would fuck each other over and crawl back to each other. He was the best and the worst thing I had in my life. He was my best friend and I hated his guts.

Break up, get back together, rinse and repeat. It took physical separation states away and blocked numbers and social media to finally say “I’m done”.

I’m in a normal relationship now, with someone who is kind, and someone I don’t have to worry about. No probation, no infidelity, no sleepless nights.

Sometimes though, I find myself wondering where I would be right now if I stuck around, if I hadn’t thrown my ex’s shit out of our place that day. If I had picked up his calls and answered his texts begging me to talk to him.

We’d keep crawling back.