My period is pretty on point with showing up on time. If it's not on the "predicted day" it's either one day early, or one day late.

I've been trying for over two years now.

Today marks day 4 of my period being MIA. If I had it, it would be at the "still noticeable, but kinda just end of it spotting" stage. (Like I could probably get away with either having a panty liner rather than a pad, or even get away with nothing at all.)

I've been breaking out in a few spots, I've been cramping randomly, but not in the usual way that typically makes me go "LUCIFER'S FLOOD GATE HAS OPENED!!!", and I've been having weird cravings... I ordered a turkey sub on a night shift, and ended up loading it with potato chips and sriracha sauce. (I HATE Sriracha sauce, but for some reason just absolutely NEEDED it on this sub... I hated and loved every bite.)

I've also been EXTREMELY clumsy (dropping everything, and being the ultimate butter-fingers), and just so unbelievably spacey mentally and emotional... (For example, I dropped and spilled a woman's drink at work, and I just stared at it for a second, tearing up, and just apologized repeatedly. Thankfully, she appeared to be a nurse, and just gave me an almost knowing smile and was very kind, as I kinda whimpered "you know those days? Today is that kinda day." And then in the back with the dishwashing sink, the bubbles were just so perfectly even, and looked so soft, I just spaced and had to run my hands through them for a couple minutes... My coworker who caught me looked at me funny and just asked "Are you pregNANT?!?!" My boss, who also noticed me "acting out of character" asked me what's up, and when I told her "I'm late," she just slightly grinned like she already knew, and was more just afraid to ask if I was.)

The problem is... I have peed on many a stick, and while two of them I felt I saw, maybe, just maybe, a vvvvvfl, every other one has been a pretty definitive negative. And to be honest, I feel like mother nature is playing a very cruel effin' joke on me...

I guess I just don't know what to expect now... If I hit 8 days of it being MIA, with piss sticks still being negative I'll call my doctor. But... I just have my hopes up, and after two long effin' years with this being the last month before my OB/GYN told me to call her in reference to fertility testing... I feel like I'm setting myself up for the ultimate disappointment.

I'm asking for thoughts, prayers, good vibes, baby dust, and maybe a little insight as to what the actual heck is going on, and maybe just an opportunity to vent about this "potentially good news nightmare" I'm experiencing.