SHOULD I HAVE KIDS?? 😕

Question

For all the mamas:
Honest feedback would be greatly appreciated, no judgement.
No negative comments, people that have nothing helpful to say or positive to contribute, move along to the next poll.
I got back from my gynaecologist and I’ve got a certain small window left if I want to have kids. I thought about this for five years and I’m not sure if I should have children or not for many reasons. 
Anxiety and depression runs in my family in the genes and it will most likely be passed on to the kids, plus and I’m not sure how I’ll cope, and if they’re worth it in the end. 
Although i’m fairly confident I will cope fine.
The world is getting harder, and I’m not sure I want to raise children in it, and i am prepared to be a single mother if need be if my relationship doesn’t work out after kids, but a part of me has always wanted children badly till now. 
I enjoy living the single bachelorette lifestyle, however I think it be nice in my final years to have at least some family left, but I’m just as happy to try and meet friends in the community when I age.
Heart is telling me to have some kids though. Logic is telling me NO!
Appreciate your help xo

Answer

You can always adopt later on! I wouldn’t feel too pressured, there are so many babies who need to be loved and that takes the pressure off of your timing.

Answer

I think if you have this many reservations at this point (you're older, you've been giving this thought for years), you shouldn't. You need to be really ALL IN to be a good parent as well as being happy yourself, imo. Nothing wrong with continuing to think about it though, & if you firm up your position you can go for it, & if you miss your window there are many non-biological options to be a mom.
I will add as a side note that I feel like I can still do most of the things I did pre-baby. We still do a ton of traveling (my almost-2.5yo has been to five foreign countries), I run a lot, etc. The main difference is that I have a constant tiny shadow 😀

Answer

If your heart is saying yes and your head is saying no. I would go with your heart as you will love your child more then anything in the world. A mother’s Love is such a powerful thing you will be surprised how well you will manage and change as a person when you have a little baby in your arms. Do you feel like you will regret not having a baby in a few more years time? If yes then you know your answer hun.

Answer

Make your babies girl! Its a love youll never understand

Answer

I don’t see a reason why not. Honestly bipolar disorder and manic depression run in my family. My grandma, mom, and three of my 5 siblings have bipolar and/or depression. I am one of them. But over time I have learned to manage my condition be in optimal mental health even without medication. Lots of people have mental health issues that are hereditary. But those conditions are manageable. Also, it doesn’t mean they will be passed along to your offspring. 
Also, autism runs in my family. My mom and grandma are on the spectrum. I am not autistic but it is passed through the mother usually so I could be a carrier. Boys are 4 times as more likely to have autism and I have 2 boys and neither is autistic. And I was high risk for passing autism bc it’s usually passed from mother’s side to boys. And even though I have depression, my boys do not show any signs of the condition.
You’re free to do what you want obviously but regarding mental health and other disabilities, keep in mind what I mentioned above and don’t let that be the main reason not to reproduce.
Also, the fact that your gynecologist told you you have a short reproductive window. If you are serious about having kids, then take what they are saying seriously. You dont have to wait for a man to have kids. One of my friends did IUI because when she was 32, she was single and went to a fertility doctor and they said she had DOR. She has a beautiful 4 year old girl now and she’s so glad she did it then bc now her egg count is basically non existent and she is premenopause at only 36 years old...
Of course you can always adopt later on! But if you are set on having your own biological children, consider seriously what your gynecologist told you about your reproductive state.

Answer

So you're not currently in a relationship? Personally, I would not willingly become a single mom. Motherhood is extremly hard and having a great partner can make all the difference in how you deal with it. I've had some of the same worries. Manic depression runs in my family and I used to worry about my kids having a childhood like mine if one of my kids has mental health issues. What I realized is that my experiences make me more qualified than my parents to deal with it. I also have a much healthier marriage, finances, and we started our family when I was 12 years older than them. Hopefully we don't have to deal with any of that, but if we do I know it will be ok. The world going to hell in a handbasket has long been a worry, but I've realized that it's always seemed that way. There are so many ways in which the world is worse than ever, but there are also so many ways that it's better than ever. Yes, we're afraid to go to Wal-Mart and global warming is terrifying, but it wasn't long ago that people were worried about being drafted, school children practiced hiding under their desks in fear of the A bomb, pregnant women and their doctors regularly smoked and drank, seat belts didn't exist, and let's not forget about the struggles of women, people of color, and the LBGTQ community. We still have a long way to go, especially for the last 3, but I'm grateful to have been born when I was and reap the benefits of a better life that the people who came before me carved out. I hope my kids will be a part of making this world a better place. Also, I don't think having kids is a logical decision for most. I don't know that there are good logical reasons to have them. Depending on your situation there are plenty of logical reasons to not have them, but the main reasons to have them are emotional. If I were you the only thing that would give me pause is being single, but that's just because I find my husband to be invaluable and can't imagine doing this without him. You still have time to find the right person and have kids though, but you might want to get serious and no waste your time with someone who's not on the same page. Maybe look into freezing your eggs if that's applicable to your situation. I hope you figure out what's best for you! 💕

Answer

I get this. 100%. Before I met my husband I felt EXACTLY like this. 
And now I’m 34 weeks. Our baby was a surprise, and I think that’s why I’m happy to have kids now. 
I’m a firm believer in “what is meant for you comes to easily” (with exceptions of course). So I’ve always gone with the flow. If it happened to me, it’s because it was supposed to. 
Before I got pregnant I had depression, anxiety, eating disorder and I’m sure there’s some more I could add to that list. I used to think that it would be cruel to bring someone into the world with the possibility they could feel that way. 
After being pregnant, I’ve realized all of the amazing things about being alive. Even small things, like driving with the windows down, good coffee, and the big things too like making a human. 
I would NEVER feel like someone is less of a woman for choosing not to have kids, I didn’t want to. But it happened, so to me that means it was supposed to, that’s my job in this life.  
That doesn’t mean it has to be everyone’s. Don’t let the rush of the clock make you hastily choose to have a child. It’s perfectly fine not to.

Answer

Depression and anxiety are something to consider...but momms are doing fine with them 😀. Its a really big life change. You have to devote all of your time to someone, single or not. I was 33 with my first and 35 with my 2nd. We are done, but I would have liked to have them earlier in life. I felt like i needed to have kids as soon as my husband and I got together. We are very responsible,  but it is vey hard. They are super cute cuddlers tho!

Answer

As a mom who has anxiety and OCD, I’m one of those annoying mom teachers who comes across as the mom who has her shit totally together and no one realizes how very hard I find things. We struggled to conceive and I’m 30. I’ve traveled and spent time happily married first. We are debating having another because it’s so hard. If you truly don’t want kids, it’s going to be a tough road. This is a hard decision to make but the way I’m deciding is by asking myself would having a child at this time in my life be best for the child? I teach so many kids with parents who obviously have no interest in them and it’s heart breaking. My husband and I provide a very well rounded life for our little boy and a lot of love. If you can’t put our child first, and there’s no shame in admitting you can’t, then maybe that’s a sign. Best of luck with whatever decision you make.

Answer

The advice I wish I had was this: If there’s any shadow of a doubt, don’t do it. People DO regret having kids, it’s just not talked about. I did some research and found out it’s actually quite common to regret it. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t do it unless I was absolutely obsessed with the idea. I see these women posting about how obsessed they are with their babies and it makes me sad because I was never like that. I love my son, but I also completely regret getting pregnant with him (by accident). I was ambivalent about what to do and ended up raising him because of pressure.

SHOULD I HAVE KIDS?? 😕

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