This is my beautiful baby boy. When he was born I was 25 years old and in a bad place in my life. His father was abusive, I didn’t have a job nor did I have any plans for the future (other than getting away from baby daddy). Everything was hard from pregnancy to the c-section to the postpartum depression and the drama from trying to leave an abusive relationship. Then I reconnected with an old friend who later became my husband. He adopted my son and has been raising him as his own ever since. We’ve been trying to conceive for about 4 years now. The guilt I feel for being so desperate to have another baby is immense. I already have a beautiful son with a great husband. I never was able to enjoy my first pregnancy. I didn’t even enjoy the first few weeks of being a new mom. I have PCOS. I didn’t know it at the time because i was never trying to conceive. It’s just hard. I feel bad for longing for it so much. I just feel like I was robbed of the joy of it all the first time around. Here’s my boy.

December 2014

My husband and son 2019