I have a question that’s embarrassing

Idk who to go to and I’m not in a relationship anymore because of it and I feel so insecure or to even ask about it

Why can’t I orgasm with normal penetration? My ex bf would always get mad because I could never orgasm or feel sexually aroused when he’s inside of me I’ve always had to fake and be true to the “ acting of faking an orgasm “ because he will know if I fake? I’m happy I’m not with him anymore but I’m still scared from it, the only time I ever orgasm is by myself alone and clit stimulation, I feel broken I always hear storys from my friends that they orgasm with their boyfriend without having to stimulate their clitoris, I feel so lost i don’t know why it’s bothering me so so much it makes me just have so much low self esteem with my sex life