Hi Ladies,

I’m really trapped in a depressed mental health state at the moment, especially towards the way I look and my lack of motivation to lose this weight and also cooking and what I eat. I’m not good at words so please bare with me and I hope you can understand.

Start of last year I was doing really well with everything whilst my partner was away on a family holiday for a month. I was cleaning, I was cooking (even though it’s mostly the same dishes after a while), I was actually going to the gym 3 times a week and I was speaking to someone about my mental health. I actually lost a bit of weight within the month and I was happy about it. But keep in mind that I wasn’t working back then.

All my life I have been the most fussiest eater, I hardly like any healthy foods (well more like none) I genuinely don’t enjoy eating the food, I tried to force myself no matter what and tried to tell myself that it’s going to be fine but I can’t. The only vegetable I like is carrots as long as it’s soft but I soon get so sick of it. I HATE being a fussy eater, no one understands that at all - it’s not something I can control or force myself to like, it’s not that easy. People must think that I’m stubborn about it but I’m not, I’m becoming so unhappy with everything about me and my lifestyle. I don’t enjoy drinking water but I at least made myself drink a bottle or two a day (600ml) when I was going to the gym regularly that month.

Then when my partner came home, everything just changed. I felt like it became much harder to keep it up, especially when my partner couldn’t help at all with cooking etc since he has no arms so it felt like a weight has been dropped on me and felt like it was much harder to support two people instead of myself. It didn’t help when he wasn’t really encouraging anything or giving me the support. At first he was for the first month with gym anyway, but soon he had given up on doing it and then I did. All he wanted to do was eat junk or go out and do other stuff. But also (sorry if this is the part I confuse you as I can’t exactly put down what he feels about it) he feels “bad?” about making me cook (although his brother also lived with us at that time and he cooks dinner sometimes), but I don’t know exactly if that’s how he feels. He knows I don’t enjoy cooking and I don’t enjoy eating food at all (more towards home made meals), whether anyone believes that or not I just eat for the convenience that I have to eat and feel bad that my partner was and still is eating junk food constantly.

Now fast forward a year, I’m working 20-25 hours a week (may not seem much but since it’s my first job it’s taking everything out of me, emotionally and physically). I have no motivation whatsoever to rejoin a gym, I’m always tired and my body is sore. I have a bad knee thats on and off all the time. I don’t cook much, as I don’t really enjoy eating what I cook and I barely know anything to cook as I’m not a good cook (haha sorry for saying cook so many times) and I just have no energy to do so. I try to look up recipes but they seem so over the top with all this fancy food nowadays, never a simple small recipe. I feel like everything is all on my shoulders and that everything is harder because I don’t have a partner that supports me since he can’t be of any help.

So I’m at a loss.. I have no motivation, no energy. I’m emotionally and physically drained. Is there anything I can do to regain it?

Thank you!