I tried so hard not to lose my shit yesterday. I was angry for no reason and I tried so hard to hold it all in. Some of it came out in tears or trying to figure out why I was mad. Eventually, I was able to shower and calm down a little bit.

This morning, I hate what I did. I woke up to a crying baby. My husband left for work early to take care of some things before his long drive. And you know what I did? I called him and yelled at him for not washing a bottle for me. I bitched at him for complaining about how hard it was spending 20 minutes last night caring for our daughter and trying to do a project at the same time. I yelled at him and called him back when he hung up on me to yell at him some more.

He fed her this morning. He changed her diaper for me this morning. He left for work giving us kisses and telling us he loves us. Now, he’s ignoring my calls and texts. I’m trying to apologize, not keep taking my anger out on him.

I’m a new mom. I live 1,000+ miles from any of our family. I’ve spent the last year in this town not having a single friend. Everyone treated me like trash. They still do. That is, until they find out that I’m married to my husband. Then they respect me.

Ive struggles with depression my whole life. The last few years were spent mostly in bed because I couldn’t find the will to live my life. I’m better now, but I’m not used to the activity level of having to care for a baby. Not only that, but I’ve been planning a wedding and working on buying us a house.

He doesn’t understand how hard it is to do all of this. He doesn’t get that I can’t just go relax while she sleeps because I’m constantly on alert waiting for her to wake up. In between running errands and caring for a baby, I barely have time to wash her bottles let alone relax.

I need an actual break. I need a night off. Or at least an hour where I don’t have to worry about anything.