So we are expecting our third due in Jan.

We had been trying for almost 2 years for this kid and when we finally got pregnant, I was over the moon. But at the very beginning there was problems.

At 5 weeks, I had a subchorionic hematoma and bled like crazy. When it first happened, I went to the ER and they basically said don’t expect the baby to live. That KILLED me.

Luckily, we went to the OB and after what felt like 100 ultrasounds, the bleed cleared.

That paranoia is still in my head though. It’s got me thinking all kinds of crazy things. Like, are we ready for #3? Can I really do this?

We have 2 boys, and hubby said he will be happy with either sex. I feel like if I don’t have another boy, he will be mad. No, he’s never ever made any comments leading me to think this ever.

I feel like the moment they told us that we will miscarry is the moment all the excitement got sucked out of me, and I can’t shake it.

Am I a bad person or just crazy? 😔